When Rob and I decided to have another baby, I never once thought I’d be sacrificing one child relationship for the other, but unfortunately that’s where we’re at these days.
Lola loves her father and she loathes me.
I get it. I mean we brought in this new “thing” as she sees Sebastian. He cries, he steals attention, it appears he always gets what he wants and worst of all…he’s not going away.
In the beginning days of Sebastian’s arrival, Lola was very curious about him. She was interested in where he was, she would dissect him as if he was an alien, but she was loving in her own way even trying to kiss him on occasion. When she would hear him cry she would begin to say “bubba, bubba” and it was the cutest thing. I thought to myself how sweet their relationship was becoming and how easy this whole transition was. I pictured Lola trying to console him, protecting him, becoming overnight BFF’s. Unfortunately that picturesque vision will have to wait because Lola is downright unhappy he’s around.
Now when he cries, she cries too which makes him cry harder and then she cries harder and then really all I want to do myself is cry. It is a vicious cycle. I think I underestimated my girl because I just didn’t foresee jealousy being an issue. I thought we’d all be cohesive as a little family of four. Sure I’d have to tend to Sebastian more because I’m breastfeeding and Rob would have to do more with Lola. It wouldn’t last long. We would introduce a bottle to Sebastian, I would get back to giving Lola more attention and things would be groovy. Well, Sebastian hates the bottle and he’s not yet the biggest fan of his daddy. Sebastian also wants to be held all of the time so when I’m here alone with the two of them, I’m left with a decision to make. Do I hold Sebastian and piss off Lola? Do I make Sebastian cry a bit while I play with Lola only to make her start crying because he’s crying? Who knew this could be so stressful? I’m trying to do my best, I really am. In my best days of being a server in the restaurant business, I could multitask in a 10 table section like it was nothing. Effortlessly in fact. Yet trying to juggle my OWN two kids has been beating me down lately. Now my daughter is in a constant state of annoyance with me and her father has become a God. I’m just a person she has to deal with until almighty dad gets home. Yes, that is sarcasm you are reading, but I’m not mad at my husband. I may be a bit jealous myself, but I’m not upset with him. I just feel as if Lola doesn’t like me – at all.
I thought this stage would come in her preteen years. I didn’t even know it was possible for a toddler to dislike a parent. I mean, I’m her mother. I grew her inside of my body. I have been there since day one feeding her, loving her, caring for her, playing with her, I’ve done everything a good mother should do. But that’s just it. She’s never had to share me and that’s putting a strain on our relationship. All she knows is that Sebastian is always fighting for her mama’s attention and most times, that attention is given. Rob comes home from work and Lola doesn’t have to compete anymore. She has his undivided attention. And now I suck and he’s awesome and it makes me feel like shit. I’m non-existent to Lola when Rob is in the house. He can go upstairs and she screams until he’s back, all the while I’m trying to console her. I know I’m being sensitive, but do you know how bad it hurts when I can’t console my own daughter? I live and breathe everything Lola. My life truly started when she entered it so to be shunned is really freaking hard. I know, I know, it is a phase and it won’t last. I know that Rob and I need to take more definitive time reversing roles with the kids – especially before it gets worse. We’re trying, we really are. But just like most parents of multiple kids under the age of the three, we are simply trying to keep them fed and alive while attempting to get some sleep in between.
I told my mom how I feel like I’m in elementary school and I’m trying to get my best friend to like me again. I may not be giving my lunch away, sharing a shirt I think she’d like or talking bad about other kids so she’d think I was cool, but I’m attempting similar tactics with my three-year-old. I’ll admit I’m going to crazy extremes to get my kid to think I’m awesome again. Extra throws in the air, lets do it! Break my back letting her ride on my shoulders, of course! Cookies for an after school snack, sure why not?! I know this may be an example of bad parenting, but I’m doing what feels right. So if going above and beyond in the 20 minutes I have uninterrupted time with my daughter gets her to notice me, then so be it. I’m not going for mother of the year anymore, I just want my daughter to like me again. OK – cue the tiny violin for the saddest story of the day.
P.S. Lola took 10 unassisted steps last night! Go Lola!!